whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
