Me too!
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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