Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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