i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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