Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
