Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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