i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
