I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize
