She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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