I accidentally burped into my bong.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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