Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
