Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
