Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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