I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
