Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
