my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
