Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize