Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
