the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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