I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
