Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
