i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize