how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
