You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Only a mothe r could love this liver
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
