SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
