Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
