I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
