I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
