'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he's gonorrhea incarnate
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
