ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
