i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
