I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
