He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
