My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
