Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
