Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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