I looked at my own cervix.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
