It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
