gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
