i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
