Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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