So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
