I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
