Sponge bath it is.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
