There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
