I have demons in me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
