That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
