Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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