Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
