yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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