Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
