Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
