hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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