Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
His nipple licking is glorious
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