Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
