I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm too high and old for this...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
