The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
