he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
