i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
