New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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