currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
