My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
