Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
