i wish there were pregnant emoticons
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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