I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So much rum. So many feels.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
