she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize