Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
