Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She told me I should be a condom model.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
