I hate your face
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
