My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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