I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
