i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
