No awkward lesbian experiences without me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
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