How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
