This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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