He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize