i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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