there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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