Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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