Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
