i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
