I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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