Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
