it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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