what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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