somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
