I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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