I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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