Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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