She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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