i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
