Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize