Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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