Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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