im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
