im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
