evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
