she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize